PBandJC - Yardbarker Blogs

Krystal SquareOff 2009... New rules this year...I hope to still RULE

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:58:24 -0500

September 27th is one of the biggest contests of the year, the Krystal Square Off. It is safe to say that for the last two years I have dominated the Square Off (I know it sounds bad, but it is true). I really enjoy the taste of the burgers and the fast pace of the contest. Last year I won by eight burgers (a good lead).

This year the contest organizers have changed the rules of the contest, and competitors are no longer going to be able to dunk the burgers in water. My first thought was that it is not a big deal, but after I started practicing it became obvious that my numbers will go down, and then I became pissed!! I understand that some eaters make a mess while dunking, and totals get inflated (they should be penalized). I also understand that the dunking is a little gross and it takes away from how delicious the Krystal burgers are... But this is a competitive speed eating contest!! Not a competitive neat/pretty eating contest... When I enter a contest, I am prepared to do almost anything to get the food down as fast as possible, and it should be legal (within reason)... people might say I am upset because i am worried that some eaters are better at eating dry hard to eat items. I say bullsh!t!! I am not worried about any of the competitors, I am just upset that I will have to change my technique and it will now be harder for me to break my old record of 103 krystals...I am optimistic that I can still beat it ;)

Now that I have that out of my system.lol.. it is time for me to look ahead to the actual contest and the competitors... I see Pat Bertoletti and Koby as the strongest eaters at the table (other than myself..lol). Over the weekend Pat qualified for the finals by eating 67 burgers. I expect him to get into the high 80's by the finals... I was told that kobayashi will qualify in the next couple weeks. It will be interesting to see how he eats the krystals this year (i might just copy and improve on his technique). I expect koby to qualify with close to 90 (that guy can eat)... I am in a good spot... I get to watch all the eaters and I get to perfect my technique and the competition can only guess about what I am going to do.

It is going to be a great contest... Chattanooga always has a great audience and it is easy to push myself to the limit.

Joey

nathans 2009 recap

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:58:38 -0500

What is it about July 4th that makes me have to take a good crap? Or to quote kingpin? Lots of build up and occasionally a great pay off, not usually monetary in nature because we’re not talking about a sponsor that puts up good prize money or gives a damn but more in experience, emotions, and furthering friendship. This leads me to believe that sometimes it doesn’t really matter what you do to prepare. You can prepare, have a good day and it will pay off. Or prepare, have a bad day, and lastly not prepare at all and have a great day. That good day is fleeting because maybe it wasn’t necessary to reignite your awkward puberty and cool ranch dorito fueled acne break outs. Eating 10lbs+ of hot dogs a few times a week makes me seek acne remedies from that nerdy krusty burger drive through employee. But, if this eating thing doesn’t work out I may find some potential in sponsorship from pro active formula or as a before picture model of hydroxycut.

Last year all my preparation was for none as I built up my body to handle the bulk of 14 lbs of hot dogs. All that effort wasted, but conclusions are promising in that I can seek comfort knowing that some days you won’t win or have your best stuff. You may find that during the encased steak tip off it’s tipped to your opponent, and has left you up **** creek without a paddle. I am pleased to say that I put in my time and effort for this years contest, although training time was far over shadowed by the time spent not wanting to train and with good old fashion procrastination. It seriously sucks as sessions are usually at odd hours of the day and can take up your entire evening. The benefits of training are to win and see improvements. In comparison to actual workouts it actually feels good after you lift with a bunch of oiled and body sprayed up gym monkeys. Not really with them but in observation hoping to recount to your buddies how Chris Angels buddies were in town. As far as eating relates, you see benefits by building strength and stamina. But sub the pleasant burn with utter pain and discomfort, making sure to barter the gym monkeys for the fringe of society fratish, binge on every substance, with a squeeze of self loathing and a garnish of everything competitive eating/ers. There is no reason to train besides pride and an actual belief you will hold that $5 mustard belt over your nitrate numbed top half. Perhaps going in I thought I had a shot.

My training and preparation and late night stretching my stomach with beer and cheese curds really payed off, and I could not have been happier with my performance. 55 hot dogs in 10 minutes is a new level of capacity and performance. Way off Joey’s pace but I am making up ground and someday I will catch him. My only quip was that my jaws were taxed early in the contest. I wish the tv coverage was better to get an idea of our dog splits, times for 20/30/40 hot dogs would have been nice. I know I was on the fastest pace of my life the entire contest, not once thinking of letting loose and showering the crowd with hot dog shrapnel. Not to mention I had my sweet Tony Clifton outfit on and intact, it certainly slowed me down by the restraint and heat, I honestly can’t believe I ate so many that day. This was like my eating bar mitzvah in that I finally ate like a man, with my first qualifier 5 years ago as my briss. I felt like a rabid dog eating 2 at a time shoving whole buns down my throat, I switched back to my animalistic tendencies and savagely devoured that koshered bull meat. I don’t know what the hell I was doing besides that it was working. I was frantically using all my energy and reserves to get to the mustard flag.

Eating in front of 40,000 people far out weights all negative aspects and pressures it creates. Something about all those people chanting my name in unison, calling for my victory over Joey and Koby was a dream come true. I wore ear plugs blaring Dillinger four on level 11 because all on surf and stillwell pleaded for my victory. At least that’s how it happened in my mind. Victory will happen some day, I wish Joey could take a hint already and give up, he’s never going to finish his doctorate in women’s studies if he continues to compeat.

The most enjoyable part of July 4th is the post contest beers at rubys on the boardwalk. I celebrate the grueling training, reflection of the past eating year, and not ******** myself or throwing up on live television. After a short rest up period we reconvened in my room to watch the rebroadcast. I tracked down $125 dollars worth of pizza and it didn’t stand a chance. The beers flowed like wine in aspen and we re-watched the broadcast working out the kinks of my newly purchased breathalyzer. Joey had a court jester that played pomp and circumstance when he entered and tried to get everyone to kiss his studded mustard belt. The rest of the night can be summed up as lots of cheap pink vodka, 3 gb’s of pictures I have no recollection of and a hybrid version of Russian roulette and spin the bottle; simply a game of swapping germs with the last person using the breathalyzer. I lost this game and awoke nursing a soar throat; apparently wiping it with my shirt wasn’t successful. The last stop was McDonalds where an unthinkable 60 dollars of food was put into Joey’s and my feed bag.

The next day marked a trek to New Haven ct. for world famous pizza at Frank Pepe’s and Sally’s apizza. They are famous for a coal burning oven topped with fresh clams, garlic, parmesan, and olive oil. With 2 teams we made quick work of these two landmarks. One got Pepe’s to go and the others waited in line for sally’s. The thought did cross my mind to abandon ship and eat all 3 large Pepe’s pizza by myself, it’s just that good. We reconvened in front of Sallys and sham wowed all the toxins and nitrates from the previous day. Sally’s was saved for the 2 hour trip back. With our hungers curbed and fulfillment in our performances those pizzas shared among dear friends was like a couple of victory cigars. Sally’s and Pepe’s could be the best reason to go to Connecticut.

We wrapped up the night with food and spirits at Joey’s alma mater, hooters. Where we were given permission to steal the Patrick Duffy picture; an early 80’s snapshot of Patrick Duffy at a urinal rocking an oversized cowboy hat and staring down the lens. Ironically enough the night ended at a bar serving free hot dogs and Andrew W.K. as background music. Anytime you can make the trek east and splurge a few weeks pay on food and entertainment jump at the chance. I’ve never spent so much on food in 5 days and it was worth it.

chow

-pddb

www.deepdisheats.com

video of me eating 5lbs of burger and fries in 3min10 sec

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:50:31 -0500

This was from my trip to superior wi at gronks bar. It was a tasty burger, juicy and seasoned. I had 6 half pound patties, buns, cheese and 2 lbs of fries. I'm like an exited 5 year old on christmas eve when it comes to pizza and restaurant challenges. I know that I should wait to let it cool but the exitement overcomes me and I burn my mouth quite frequently when eating huge burgers or a friday pizza or 2. My apologies for the video quality, I should have had someone film it.

chow

-pddb

www.deepdisheats.com

Taco eating contest

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 20:37:09 -0500

This is from last saturdays taco eating contest in crete illinois. i took home the title with 33 tacos in 5 minutes.

chow,

pddb

deepdisheats.com

Three-pete recap...Competitive EATing not Competitive NICEing

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:30:04 -0500

Since the 4th of July, I have been able to spend time with friends and family, busy moving to an new apartment, but mostly catching up at my normal job. Yes, I have a normal job in construction management... The last three weeks of preparation for the 4th of July are exhausting and my performance at work went down. While my work quality was poor, I did become good at passing my work load to coworkers :) lol... Now I am working extra, fixing mistakes that I made many weeks ago. I am very lucky that my employers and coworkers are so understanding and supportive of my competitive eating, and without them I would not be able to do the crazy things I do.

This year's hot dog contest was great, and it is about time I share my honest opinions about the event... On July second we had the traditional weigh-in (Basically a media event and a chance for all the eaters to catch up with each other). Upon my arrival to the weigh-in, Kobayashi established the tone for the next few days. As soon as I saw the former champion I jubilantly said hello and held out my hand... For an awkward three seconds Kobayashi looked around, avoiding eye contact, and finally shook my hand after his translator said something (in Japanese)... It was a good thing I didn't try to give him a hug, he might have hit me ;) ... At the weigh in, Kobayashi and I had our customary stare down about an inch from each others face...it was the first time that neither of us smiled... and then the weigh in was over and the talking started (competitive eaters also talk a lot).. I was told that Kobayashi dyed a V (for victory) in the the back of his head, I replied that it looked like an L.

The rest of the day and the entire next day I spent with my friends and family, trying to keep my head straight and mentally prepare my body for the ridiculous abuse that would happen on the 4th... On July 3rd, Fox aired my performance on "Are U Smarter Than a 5th Grader" (apparently I am not). I couldn't watch the end of the show, seeing myself lose would have been too much negative energy.

The morning of the 4th, I woke up at 6:30 and went for a little walk in the city. (one of my competitive eating theories is that our bodies are used to digesting food when we sleep and it takes hours for the muscle around the stomach to fully relax after you wakeup.)

At nine in the morning all of the eaters met in the lobby and piled into the buses that take us to Coney Island. The bus ride from Manhattan to Coney Island takes about 40 minutes, but it seems to take hours. I always look at the bus ride as the point of no return, it is my last chance to reflect on all of the good practice contests I have had, and become of aware of all the variables that I am able and unable to control. Before I got off the bus a person asked me how many hot dogs I was going to eat. I knew my body was feeling good, and I told her high sixties. in my head I thought seventy-one.

Moments before the contest i called my mom, dad, and little brother Willy. (Willy is the person that got me involved in competitive eating, he also became the first trainer in competitive eating and I have NEVER lost a contest with him coaching/yelling at me. This year, Willy was not able to train me because he could not get leave from Coast Guard. I had never won the fourth of july contest without Willy, and my competitors knew it.) The conversation with Willy helped. Basically, it was a pep talk that sounded like a Kenny Powers tape, from Eastbound and Down.

When I went on stage, I remember telling myself to "Ignore all feelings and do what I know can do... No matter what". When The crowed counted down from ten, my arms started to shake, my heart pounded, and I just wanted to get it on!!

The first minute of the contest is the hardest and most important... I need to find my rhythm and determine the best way to eat the food. The buns this year had been sitting out a little bit, so they crumbled easily. The first bun broke in half as I violently picked it up. I tried to calm my hands down and treat the buns with more finesse, to avoid debris and potential penalties.. My first minute was good, I was downing my 12th dog at he the sixty second mark. By the end of the second minute I was finishing dog 22, and I could see I had a two dog lead on Kobayashi. ( Every year I tell myself that I will not look at Koby, but I do... I guess he is standing too close to ignore.) At about six minutes into the contest I started to get lazy, and I let my pace slow to the point where Koby was within one dog of me. I realized my lead was slipping and closed my eyes and power ate, only briefly opening my eyes when I had to pick up a dog or bun. By eight and half minutes I had a four dog lead, and I knew that Koby knew I was going to win.

When it was over, I had eaten 68 hotdogs while Kobayashi had eaten 64.5... Three victories down, only four more to go..

Looking back the competition, several things changed this year. Things that I did not want to change but they did and i used them to my advantage. This was the first time Kobayashi and I went into the contest with the primary goal of beating each other, at all cost. We held nothing back and did not exchange any words before or after the contest. I liked going into the contest not liking my main competitor, it made me work harder, focus better, and made me more willing to endure pain. The biggest hurdle for me this year was competing without my little brother in front of me. I used every connection I had, but I was unable to get him authorized leave from the Coast Guard. For years I used Willy as a safety net. He was responsible for me getting involved in competitive eating and I only felt comfortable training and competing with his help. This year I worked hard (diet and practice), stayed focused and used all my positive influences (friends, family, fans) to push myself safely to a new limit.

A giant pizza eaten in detroit

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 23:01:39 -0500

This pizza weighed 12 lbs and would have been easier had my throat and stomach not been worn from the sandwich contest earlier in the day. I wore the glasses to stay incongnito and it seemed to work. I like how you can hear the chach that was talking to us and his pointdexter son throughout.

-pddb

deepdisheats.com

jimmy johns detroit

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 22:58:53 -0500

A full 10 minute jimmy johns sandwich contest in detroit. I am posting this one because the commentary by george shea is pretty amazing.

-patrick

Video from my entrance at coney island

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 00:58:23 -0500

This is video from my intro for the nathans hot dog eating contest on the 4th of july. I finished 3rd with a personal best of 55 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes.

chow

-pddb

deepdisheats.com

another jimmy johns sandwich contest

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 22:20:04 -0500

this is another sandwich eating contest video. It was 5 1/2 minutes, it matched 3 of the fastest sandwich makers vs 3 competitive eaters, myself, tim gravy brown, and hall hoover hunt. I felt good througout and finished with 10 full sandiwiches in 5 1/2 minutes. We will be in chicago for the taste of lincoln doing the same contest saturday july 25th at 2:30 pm. I hope to see you there.

chow

-patrick

deepdisheats.com

Nathans Qualifier 09

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:00:51 -0500

This contest was like picking out the biggest Christmas present and opening to find it filled with progressively smaller boxes and the engagement ring box filled with a rabbit turd. My expectations were high going in but my hopes were crushed after tearing off all the natural casing wrapping paper. I had set a goal/ birthday present to myself that I would eat 50 hot dogs on my birthday then go out and celebrate taking in all the fruity fishbowl cocktails Minneapolis had to offer. I knew after practice that I was good for at least 50 but it would depend on the day and the dogs. Preparation and abilities may be peaking but if you wake up feeling groggy and unmotivated and eat leathery encased steaks there’s really not much you can do. A true competitor will eat at his top level no matter the circumstances. Until recently I didn’t quite understand this. Also, practice is useless if you can’t motivate yourself to carry over lessons and skills learned. Anyone can look good in batting practice off of a 46 year old lobbing in rainbows. I’ve hit Cecil Fielder-esqe home runs in practice but does anyone really want to hear me talk about that after I fail in competition? My outlook on practice now is you practice so that on bad days you still produce and have a good showing. And on a good day you can do extraordinary things. You may even surprise yourself on a good day and wonder if a feat could ever be recreated by yourself or another. One should never bank on having a good day to carry you over the threshold. I’ve done that in the past but too many things are up in the air, it’s a game of hot dog roulette with a ¾ full pack of hot dogs in the chamber.

The only thing in the air on June 6th 2009 was a chilling rain and an air temperature hovering below 50 degrees. Not to mention a lingering smell of nitrates and rancid garlic. Hot and not humid are my preferred temperature because room temperature at 90 degrees is better than room temperature at 55. Plus frigid weather puts a damper on the loosening up and circulation in the body. I started out slow and progressed to a tortoise crawl. I wouldn’t have caught the napping hare at that pace. It could possibly have been the worst eating performance of my career; I hit the wall harder than a rookie and have nothing special to show for it. Qualifiers are the perfect practice and should not be taken lightly; I go into all with the intent of kicking some smoked pork butt. I don’t have the gene to half ass it, it’s all of nothing. You are eating the food that will be before you on a larger/ national stage at a later date and it’s best to take it serious and go all out. Talk of this qualifier sickens me, getting over zealous and suggesting the sponsors assure all the dogs are warm and fresh led to a complete meltdown of dog quality. They sat in the warmer for hours rendering the skin inedible; I have no one to blame but myself.

Aside from the dogs I had a pleasant night out on the town, hitting up the bars in Minneapolis that serve fish bowls and have members of my favorite band(what I listen to during contests); Dillinger four as employees or owners. A lot is owed to my better half for setting it up. And thanks are due for all that braved the elements and the rotten noxious odors that crop dusted and encompassed all areas around me for the remainder of the night. Hot dogs are the never-ending gift. Make sure to check out espn at noon eastern this July 4th for all the coverage of the Nathans famous contest.

Chow
-pddb
Deepdisheats.com

Video of a 2 year old hot dog practice

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 18:59:15 -0500

I just found this on my computer and thought you barkers would enjoy it. I am currently getting ready for the nathans famous hot dog eating contest on saturday(espn at noon eastern). So be sure to check it out, I will be decked out in a tribute to andy kaufmans alter ego tony clifton, so look for the blue velvet tux and bad mustache.

-patrick

deepdisheats.com

Calamar in deeetroit

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 13:05:16 -0500

It’s funny where competitive eating has taken me in the four years I have been active. Prague, Minot North Dakota, Hot Springs Arkansas, and now for a second time Detroit Michigan. For an outsider it might seem like contest food has nothing to do with the regionality and local culinary offerings. Matzo balls in Houston, Ny pizza in Florida, and gyros in Houston. To me these towns have a good track record of supplying the best celebratory cervaces post contest and a great network of friends. For most it may not make sense why big apple pizza in Fort Pierce Florida would hold a pizza eating contest. For me it doesn’t have to make sense, if a dog food company in Lebanon held a bacon begging strips contest I would be the first to sign up. Does anything have to make sense when devouring inhuman amounts of food is the median? I already feel like a robber wearing black face paint carrying a sack with dollar signs, whenever I cash a prize money check anyways.

Moving on to more important matters; it’s been over a week and my jaws still cringe when thinking about the punishment from the calamari and the mere smell of a deep fat fryer still makes me a little queasy(well a little bit exited too). My preparations were not the best for this contest. On Friday I fell asleep at 9 pm and awoke at 1:30am staying awake till my flight. Choosing to watch episodes of police squad to get back to sleep was a poor choice; no one can resist the charm and wit of Leslie Neilson in this 80’s classic. All the prescription sleeping pills are rendered useless when this captain of bone dry humor is involved. Perhaps the air force should screen naked gun in cockpits instead of handing out amphetamines.

I am procrastinating doing a hot dog practice as we speak so maybe I should put the feathered keyboard to monitor. Mallies is a gem in the rough, 15 minutes outside of downtown Detroit and a sports bar/ grill that served good food and almost struggles to keep up with its popularity. On contest day it was packed to the rafters, or to put it in frat boy terms nuts to butts. And they got a bobbing for lobster claw machine too! (just imagine Garth Algar saying it and it may be funny) We had a chance to taste the squid pre contest and it was quite tasty, fresh and tender with a hint of a chew, cut into strips and not the usual rings. That was how it was in the contest too and it was quite obvious that they used fresh oil. Some foods taste of being fried in oil left over from the Johnson’s fish fry last August. As tender as anything tastes by itself an entire mouthful of something naturally chewy turns into a rubber band eating contest. The nature of squid assures that no matter how perfectly cooked it will always be slightly al dente. I finished the pound plate fast (likely 40-45 sec) and in the lead. I slowed down exponentially after each following pound. Each mouthful required a nip of hot liquid. The calamari did not want me to eat a whole fish nets worth of its kin and was fighting my advances. It was a struggle throughout, I was lucky to get an early lead because sonya and bob were on my ass the entire contest. I finished with 6 lbs 10 oz in ten minutes. My brother, Joe thin crust Bertoletti put up an impressive 1 lb 9 oz.

My body is fickle in the sense that sometimes my best performance come after no sleep and binge eating a bunch of jalapeno popper Doritos the night before. Whenever I bank on a preparation method it inherently turns sour and I end up not performing up to my best. It’s almost like baseball players not changing there underwear or shaving when they are in a good hitting streak. And when it fails you struggle to tread water and hot dog detritus, and are left with a patchy lumberjack beard questioning how to get back to elite form. I have always been a below average competitor and perhaps is my nature to take solace in shooting for the top and getting lazy, quickly lapping up the rainbow special Olympics participation ribbon.

When I feel on during a contest I don’t think there is an eater in the world that can beat me. It pisses me off when I have a great day and someone has a **** performance and excuses to warrant the loss. When I won chicken wings and turkey on spike tv I was in the best zone of my life. I would put down all my savings in Vegas that I would have beat a healthy Koby or even a bear on that day. Having those questions only furthers my drive to be the best. I want people to question me because I like to surprise. A journeyman dark horse can always surprise yet has none of the pressures. I kind of enjoy being the David Wells of competitive eating. Although I’ve never dominated an eating contest with an 8 Busch light buzz, it’s kind of nice be able to pull out a big upset.

I realized at those spike contests that I could be the best but there is no competitive eating for dummies. Like a blind man at an orgy I’ve had to feel my way through it. I go into ever contest expecting to conquer and take that giant ass check through airport security. Having to explain that I didn’t win big at keno or am the recipient of a scholarship to the local community college makes me laugh diabolically. It’s also fun wearing the oversized wrestling belt under your clothes and to repeatedly set off the metal detectors pretending you forgot you had it on. It kind of puts a spinal tap/ cucumber wrapped in foil in the pants spin onto competitive eating and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The most difficult part is after 4+ years I still have no idea how to assure I have the best day and am in the best zone for every prize eating event. For every good contest 2-3 are sub par and I have to muscle my way through the foods with no finesse or zone to speak of. Hopefully someday I will find out and that Joey and Koby are still eating so I can know what it’s like to be at the top and to have decent odds in Vegas. Not to mention getting some sweet Pete Rose side action.

Chow,

pddb

deepdisheats.com

I am now on twitter

Fri, 08 May 2009 00:35:09 -0500

I cant promise I will twitter about anything entertaining or useful but I have been told by many that it's something I need to do. I will post quick results from contests, any dishes I've prepared that I'm really exited about and possibly some while under the influence of ambien or alcohol.

https://twitter.com/deepdisheats

pddb

Video of st. patrick's day corned beef eating contest

Fri, 08 May 2009 00:31:14 -0500

This was from march, and my jaws are still soar just thinking about it. There was no dunking and the sandwiches were beyond dry, I was lucky to come out the winner because I struggled to get them down. I ended up finishing 16 sandwiches in 10 minutes.

chow,

pddb

deepdisheats.com

A race to the finish: the food? a 17" burrito and 5 lbs total, watch the video to see the results

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 01:07:25 -0500

Me vs. Joey eating a burrito from burittozilla. This was the day before our funnel cake eating contest where he beat me decisively.

I hope you enjoy it

pat deep dish bertoletti

deepdisheats.com